There are two types of people - those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
After all is said and done, more is said than done 
why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
The beatings will continue until morale improves
Spelling is a lossed art 
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions
Are unripened oranges called greens? 
The shortest distance between two points is under construction
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly
Remember half the people you know are below average
there is no future in time travel
I plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow
imagine a world with no hypothetical situations...
if you argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience
To be is to do - Socrates, To do is to be - Sartre, Do be do be do - Sinatra
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength
The best things in life aren't things 
Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
Some mistakes are too much fun to
only make once
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Interesting fact...Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
A gentleman is a man who can play the piano accordion but doesn’t.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
Think much, Speak little, Write less
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
swerved to avoid a child and fell out of bed
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